Nat Sufrin

NAUSEA

In search of freedom
Without despair the
City barely gets
Me high nowadays.
Miss my mom too much

Need to see my dad
Shrink one day at a
Time. No concept but
Shuddering in the
Tub clutching their heads

To my chest. Blood &
Guts & a river
To drink. If it must
Proceed we must as
Well be in the same

Room. Dirty water,
Flushed lavender. Do
You have any clue
How closely I watch
You do each thing you

Do. Models micro
Nutrient rich ride
The bus ready for
Anything. Inside
The hair underneath

The nails below the
Skin. Shit replacement.
What matters might be
Invisible to
The eye yet the eye

Look at the eye! The
Only visible
Part of the brain. Dab,
Don’t wipe. You always
Leave too early but

Never too late to
Linger. Light at this
Time of day, constant
Refrain with a friend
Who left me off the

Long list of friends at
The back of her book.
Who cares, right? It means
Nothing or every
Thing. Scanning the list

For Nat so hard I
Forget what Nat is.
Two wings but smaller
Than a few grains of
Salt. In the park down

Loading the guide to
Downloading guides in
The park. Weak signal,
Strong demand. On the
Screen the Antichrist

Wikipedia
Entry is still up.
I still do not know
Why I looked it up
Or what it means. Your

Voice from the living
Room calling yourself
A genius naked
& stoned. What does it
Mean? You are not a

Genius, but if it
Makes you less depressed
Let the world embrace
It. Hello world! Sucks
To think about it

All the time, but when
I forget I feel
Worse: chimneys, showers,
Trains, dogs, Jews walking
Around in living

Bodies, they do what
They do no choice but
To recall. Then turn:
Horns in the square play
New songs that sound old,

Friend’s friends insist we
All squeeze into a
Tiny red booth, the
Chasing game with my
Sister post Shabbat

Dinner round & round
The kitchen dining
Room no end until
We fall over. Light
Creeps unbidden through

Unseen craters in
The cave ceiling. Stand
Here, the waterfall
Hurts but does not harm.
Stranger obsessed with

Rain told the light to
Bathe us according
To our undeclared
Hours. When how if
At all. Who knows now

Might be the time to
Free the family
Religion once &
For all & start my
Own. Go ahead, child

Of Abraham, smash
Whatever you need
To smash, construct an
Army of idols
If you must. Who wants

To be another
Star in heaven or
Grain of sand on the
Seashore. Come naked
Jews let us burn in

Side the barn in peace.
The nations hear our
Screams & cheer louder
Than we wail. Before
I stopped texting my

Oldest friend, he gave
Me a copy of
Man’s Search for Meaning.
After I stopped, he
Demanded it back

& told me to drop
Dead. Stop looking in
Side. There are people
On the floor. Some are
Good & some are bad

& what are you? Now
& then as good as
It gets I relish
The chance to never
Meet again.

NAT SUFRIN has published poems in Best American Experimental Writing, Fence, and TriQuarterly. He received a 2019-2020 New Jewish Culture Fellowship and a Research and Travel Grant from Asylum Arts. He is a postdoctoral psychologist in private practice in New York City.