Maia Siegel

NATASHA AND FRED

I wake up. I hope Natasha Lyonne and Fred Armisen had a good
sleep. I masturbate with the shower head. I pray that Natasha
Lyonne and Fred Armisen made love and it was fulfilling
for both of them. I get dressed for work. I send out beams
of focus so Natasha Lyonne and Fred Armisen can pick outfits
that are trendy enough for their respective sets. I pray
that Fred Armisen remembers to put on his tortoiseshell glasses
that are probably on his nightstand, if he has one of those.
I drive to work in my Camaro. I reassure myself that Natasha
Lyonne and Fred Armisen most likely have drivers, with a low
risk of crashing. I would sue their driver for them if a crash
happened. I’d say, Those people were my parents. Now they will
never be able to walk again. I clock in at work. I have a cigarette
break. I have a bathroom break. I wonder what the brilliant
creative minds of Natasha Lyonne and Fred Armisen are doing
on this Tuesday at 4:06 p.m. I check their social media profiles
and the social media profiles of their friends and their friends’
pets. One of these pets is a yorkiepoo turning five. I wish the yorkiepoo
a happy birthday. Maybe Natasha Lyonne and Fred Armisen
will see and note my kindness towards animals. I believe
they would appreciate it, they would say, Thank God that yorkie
has a friend in this world. I clock out. I drive home. I retweet
the caterer serving Natasha Lyonne and Fred Armisen’s latest
project. The caterer says she was in a borscht mood today. I heat up
macaroni for dinner. I would like to remind Natasha Lyonne
and Fred Armisen that they had beets earlier, so if they have red
feces tonight their intestines are probably not caving in
on themselves. I check my feces to make sure that it didn’t
turn red out of some Twitter osmosis or something. The sunset
is brilliant and red and maybe a sign of the world falling
apart. Natasha posts a picture of it and I am the first like.

MAIA SIEGEL is based in Virginia. Her poetry appears in Poetry London and The Saranac Review. Her writing has been recognized by organizations such as The Poetry Society and The Hippocrates Society.