Robert Fernandez

REHEARSAL (ARTHUR [TOTAL ECLIPSE, 1995
DIR. AGNIESZKA HOLLAND])

What hurts when
you’re young is
that there’s
no one. There’s
never anyone,
is there? All
you’re left with 
are the embarrassing
memories of your
earliest efforts.
The heart has 
a capsule like
a worm in
tequila
that falls
out when
a child dies.
When a child
dies, the heart
vomits the
seed of a demon.
Everything is lost.
There’s no one.
I want you
to feel the
truth of it.
The truth of
loss. Of devastation.
A moth stands
up in the
afterbirth,
red eyes dreaming
of money.
Honey, you
don’t even
know where
I’ve been.
The world
hurts. The
girl I am
gave birth
to the man.

ROBERT FERNANDEZ is the author of Scarecrow (Wesleyan, 2016), Pink Reef (Canarium, 2013), and We Are Pharaoh (Canarium, 2011). He is also the co-translator of a selection of Stéphane Mallarmé’s work, Azure (Wesleyan, 2015). His poems have appeared in Callaloo, Huizache, The Nation, The New Republic, Poetry, Transition, and The Yale Review.